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Its 6am an the heat has permeated my cramped box room, the ceiling fan spins lazily moving the hot air around the room and producing no form of artificial breeze. Andrew lays by my side his sweaty body due to the heat has forced me from my already broken sleep.
Rolling out of bed i reach for my water to help ease my cotton mouth from the previous nights excesses an with a grimace i swallow,its warm an i find no comfort in it.
Openning the door to my cabin i stumble onto the beach an sit by the water letting the water lap over my feet,with a sigh i look up at the sky an then at the rising red sun an i ask myself... "where has my mind gone".
Rewind to yesterday morning the day of the full moon party Koh Phang yang.
Sitting in the wild orchid bar i sip on a chang beer despite all of the health warnings related to me by fellow travellers concerning the ingredients of the mysterious beverage, watching the human traffic pass me by i smile to myself, i've been to so many open air dance an tribal gatherings this was my first in the East, charged by the stories ive heard an my own need to be apart of the global conscousness i take another sip an pray for a "Beach" like experiance. My self indulgent thoughts are broken by the entrance of Natalie an lottie two of the three people who have chosen to join me on our quest for personal enlightenment.
"hey croomie" said natty with a cheeky smile, i lept up an kissed her deeply.
We floated through the rest of the day scoring pills from this british guy we had met (not advised) an swimming carefree in the beautiful ocean.
Shame it was spoiled by the screaming heaving mass of over sun bleached people pouring out of the bars drunk an loud grrrr.
I dived down into the scerene world of the ocean holding my breath i tried to forget about the the polluted beach an loud unsightly masses, an concentrate on nature an the gifts it gives to us usually unrequited.
Five o'clock, after a few hours drinking the immortal buckets the bars start to pump out the chosen music for the night. It was kinda nice the way each bar had a theme almost, we ambled from bar to bar scopeing the people atmosphere an music an pin pointed the areas we would try an visit.
Eleven thirty, i was very drunk stumbling through the streets i merged with the tide of bleary eyed people each person either drunk tripping buzzing there nuts off or maybe an amalgamation of all three. I had lost andrew an the girls, coming up on a yellow pill i had taken i sat down and started an introspective journey into what i was doing an if maybe just maybe i had missed the point to a tribal global gathering, drowned in advertising an only options of 7/11's, and brittany spears booming out of the crackly speakers of the bar next to me i started to feel like the soul may have been sucked out of the this beautiful country an the forced smiles of its native beautiful people may have something to do with the fact that we have turned this country into a tourist trap which everyone is trying to be apart of leaving behind the ways of the old an selling themselves to the western captalist mentality that i had been desprately trying to escape.
But as i prated on about the rest of the world i had forgotten that i was also apart of the machine, i wasnt doing what i had intended i wasnt back packing off road living with the people working an so forth, i was just a tourist.
Slapping myself i broke out my potentially dangerous introspective journey an forced myself to stand gurning an march through the crowd despreatly searching for my comrades.
Three am, things were better i wasnt as high as i was and i was dancing in the rain with the full moon beaming down through breaks in the cloud.
The people were hugging smiling an dancing with poys.
I had rendevoused with the girls an we shared many many buckets.
Andrew was grinning an we shook hands we had made it to thailand a place we had both dreamed of as children together.
The Psytrance was bassy an emotive could this be the tribal gathering i had hoped for?.
six am, i held lottie in my arms floating her in the water a huge grin spread across her face the sky was pinky blue an the sun was rising. I felt unified at peace i wasnt high just maybe drunk in a quiet peaceful way, people were milling around in big groups talking around fires some were dancing but they all seemed my sort of people the beer boys had all died off which was nice.
Picking her up we walked together towards our little group of newly aqainted people, sharing a spliff we shared stories of travel an life opinions an experiences i layed back dreadlocks covered in sand an smiled as the sun shined down on me an i shined right back.
Nine am, we sat on the long boat as it trundled through the water, hudderling together we laughed an splashed our hands in the crystal waters as we made our way back to Bottle beach.
Three pm, things are alittle intense i think maybe my come downs being abit premature, sitting on the beach my past thoughts of personal direction come back to me not wishing to focus on myself i notice there are a group of guys at the bar so i stumbled over kicking sand an strike up a coversation.
Realising my anxous behavior they offer me a blue pill alittle hesitant to furthur prolong my chemical abuse i ask what it is, they explain about valium an its benefits, so i take one then two then three.
Nine pm, things are good my vision is hazy but i dont feel high just happily comfortable,playing chess with this guy i had met called tom the night floated by nicely.
Its 6am an the heat has permeated my cramped box room, the ceiling fan spins lazily moving the hot air around the room and producing no form of artificial breeze. Andrew lays by my side his sweaty body due to the heat has forced me from my already broken sleep.
Rolling out of bed i reach for my water to help ease my cotton mouth from the previous nights excesses an with a grimace i swallow,its warm an i find no comfort in it.
Openning the door to my cabin i stumble onto the beach an sit by the water letting the water lap over my feet,with a sigh i look up at the sky an then at the rising red sun an i ask myself where has my mind gone. Lowering myself i sit in the lotus position an begin my tao meditating in the morning breeze, in my minds eye i see myself filled with all of these toxins an independent mind following the general tide, i bgan my personal mantra an begun to cleanse my soul an realiegn my focus.
My eyes snap open after roughly an hours meditation an i smile, i know where my mind is its right here in this present moment i must learn to live for today an take in all of the small things that make this life so beautifully unqiue to anyone elses that has lived before me.

"May my chi energy be like a shadow watching over you.....my soul to yours"

Vyelle Dion Van Croom.

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